The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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