I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
