Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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