i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
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