Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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