Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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