oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
