Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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