I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
