I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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