guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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