Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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