when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
