He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
