So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
