I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
