I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize