Christians are straight up FREAKS
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
