There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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