why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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