when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
