He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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