FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Did you just see the Batmobile???
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
