Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
be right there i have to get my cape
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
