its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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