At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
