4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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