Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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