I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
