you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize