im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
