Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
