how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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