dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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