We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
