Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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