It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize