Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
