Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
