dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
