I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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