Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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