I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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