Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
