the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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