God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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