I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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