Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
