So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize