You work out of a Hotel?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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