I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
