Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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