There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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