Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
