bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
