I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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