I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
