Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
