I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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