Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
