i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
