oh god the rape fog is back!
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
