you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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