Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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