why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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