Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
