Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
