and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
