I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
