just tell him i said nine months
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize