i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
